And this is what I listen to on the way to work

Well, not just these two …I have a whole collection of “Life isn’t over” music. Morning are sort of schizophrenic for me…on the one hand, I haven’t screwed anything up yet; on the other, I’m going into a place where everyone hates me and would just as soon shank me as look at me.

The longer I work where I work, the more I understand (well, understand is too broad…I get it, though), that there are people who don’t even know me who hate me. Hate every breath I take, every thought I have ever had in my head, every emotion I have ever had. Now, in my life, I have done plenty to make men hate me, but the key is that I DID something. With the guys I work with, I didn’t do anything except show up.

Most of the time, it doesn’t bother me. I have so many men I work with that the psychotics make up a very small percent of my case loads. It’s when there are other stressors; stressors I’m not even aware of, that makes what I do so dangerous. I’m right in the thick of it—no Plexiglas shield between a client and me. Sometimes I have a desk between us, but not usually.

So I listen to this music to pump me up, to fill up the vacant spaces in my head so I’m not totally out of my mind scared.

A little scared is good. Makes you not cocky. A lot of training helps, too….so that a lot of my behaviors are automatic…but there is still plenty of room in my head for me to get really scared because these guys are seriously wicked.


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