I drink juice at work now

Because I have enough caffeine jammed into myself and I think maybe some cran-something will purify me. So I buy one and drag it into my classroom, where I can take dainty little sips, whenever I want to.
Mr. W asks every day if he can have my juice container. He almost salivates when he talks, ever so quietly at my desk. I can almost see him rubbing his hands and clicking his heels with glee. He wants them because I can get them and he cannot.

He can’t get them on the yard or at canteen, so they would be quite a sought after commodity.

Yes, he could make hooch (we call it pruno) and the be able to individually bottle it and sell it packaged quite nicely. Or he could just sell this really great container and let others worry about what it would be used for. The golden rule here is grab the gold and don’t get greedy or caught.
So after 2 weeks of :Are you done with that juice? Boy, it sure takes you a long time to DRINK that juice….I am disqualifying myself from the 2008 Juice Olympics and ratting him out.

The setting is right at the door….the doorway is filled with the bulky bodies of the sarge and my officer, while Mr. Juice is coolly trying to unobtrusively slip past them. I, in my best Donna Reed impersonation say,”Oh! I am so glad all three of you are right here! Perhaps you could clear up this little question I have.”

Pick up my cranberry bottle and turn it so that the sponsor’s label is clearly visable. “Mr. W has been asking me for weeks now if I would give him my bottle when I am finished. Is that going to be okay or it that against the rules?”

The two c/o’s did this immediate ugly face at him and he attempted to tell them “oh, she craaazy! I never said that!”
I gasped and hissed “¡Mentiroso! ¡Usted perro de mentira! ¡Ahora no le creería si vino su lengüeta certificado ante notario! ¿Que usted puede INCOMODARME y después mentir sobre ella? Eso apenas prueba que una mentira y la verdad son interchangable para usted. USTED, mi amigo, me ha demostrado su carácter verdadero hoy. Usted es no mejor que un cur, un perro salvaje pero usted finge ser un hombre, usted es un niño de mentira. Me lavo las manos de usted y limpio el polvo de usted de mis pies.”

It loses much of it’s venom in English but roughly, I said ” Liar! You lying dog! I wouldn’t believe you now if your tongue came notarized! That you can BOTHER me and then lie about it? That just proves that a lie and the truth are interchangeable for you. YOU, my friend, have shown me your true character today. You are no better than a cur, a wild dog and yet you pretend to be a man, You are a lying child. I wash my hands of you and wipe the dust of you from my feet.”

Then he got slammed and spent the rest of the day in a cage. We take manipulation very seriously here.

4 thoughts on “I drink juice at work now

    1. It is only bad if you crush it and snort it. Not that I would. Not that I even know anyone who does.
      Well, no one in the free world.
      But there are a lot of things I don’t know about in the free world.

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