Got a call form my big shot (literally) doctor.
I go to UC/SF on Monday (4 hour drive one way) to get TWO BAN shots
in my greater occipital nerve bundles.
Don’t eat after six am (never a good sign….sounds like it is going to hurt). Make sure I have a driver (oh, yetanother bad sign). They will have pain meds to give me (as in a shot, as opposed to pills that I would be throwing up).
Did I have any questions?
BOY, DO I!!
Am I going to have to even look at the needle? (NO)
Does he have narcotics in this little anxiety cocktail he is planning on shooting me up with? (YES)
And will it be in my hiney or vein? That gives me a good idea of how bad this thing is going to be. (Vein. Badbadbadbad). Saline IV…yes, but the drug will actually be pushed. (Badbadbad very badbadbad. Very.)
I have a five hour drive home….well, he has a teeny little pill to give me to make the trip comfortable for me. (I am hoping that means I will be unconscious.)
Then he tells me that I will be sitting in sort of a massage chair with my head IN A VISE and he will drug me, then shoot me up with novacaine AND THEN he will be adminitrating the nerve block ON BOTH SIDES OF MY HEAD with a BAN in a fan shape. (Doesn;t that sound like he is going to be taking that needle in and out? It did to me.)
Relax, he says. I’ve done hundreds of these. It isn;t as bad as Botox.
BOTOX!!!! I’ve seen that on TV and it looks about as pleasant as giving brith to a full grown COW.
Well, says he, Botox is the next step if this doesn;t work.
So needless to say, I am on the edge of hysteria. I am cleaning my car out tomorrow (it is the kind where you can just hose the whole thing out) because there is enough dinnkity things to do besides think of that BAN.
I grew up on a farm. If anyone knows what a big a$$ed needleooks like, it would be me. ANd I am POSITIVE it is going to be blunt and square, to boot.
Now the upside….no headache. I think I am so hysterical over this that there is no room in my head for the Japanese drummers guys to be pounding away with a screamer in the
Remember when you very first went into labor with your very first baby….right when it got all messy and primal and mammalian? There was no Zen. There was no silence and being
at one with the universe.
That is where I’m at.