Noooooooooo! The one about the picc line and a stay at hospital

I saw Dr. Goadsby yesterday in San Francisco. I was very impressed with how knowledgeable he was and the  pickety probing questions he posed.

Yes. I have a pretty debilitating mess of headaches. Did I  have have some time next week (it was already Thursday) to spend in hospital; so he could pump me full of what sounds seriously like Chemo poisons and then stick an isotope inside my head.

Probably would take a full week. Eight days or so, depending. Every 8 hours.

DEPENDING ON WHAT?

Then I found out that they are planning to put in about 90 inches of aquarium tubing INSIDE. MY. VEIN. Any vein that will work, so I am not sure if they are going to use the good but tiny one in my little finger or the prominent but bad ones in my hands or the gardenhose one in the bend of my arm or maybe my clavicle or my ankle or perhaps they can find one in my ass. I guess they will poke around until they find one that suits them.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    If that is simply the worst (okay, I’ll be pretty much AWAKE  for this), I’m gold. I get a little lidocaine in a little bitty needle so when they CUT OPEN MY VEIN, it won’t burn make you scream and frighten the children so much. “Oh, it burns a bit and you’d best not look if your own blood makes you queasy”

My hospital philosophy

I only allow myself one “icky” procedure per admission. If I get the icks out of the way in the beginning, the rest won’t be so bad. I’m not happy with the whole concept of the isotope in my head. It will sort of taser out my wee tiny little bad migraine spot. Or not. I will probably set off the metal detectors for the rest of my life.

I talked to the nurse in charge of my case and she mentioned a “great deal” of puking. It has been my experience that nurses will call childbirthing “Now, this is going to be a little uncomfortable,” as they pull a 19 pound baby out of your lady parts..

Taking arterial gases? “This is going to feel like pressure.”

Getting the sixteen shots in my skull? “This is going to feel downright odd.” So when a nurse will admit to ANYTHING that will be “a great deal”, I am imagining something like the Exorcist.

She also warned me mentioned that I’d have about 4 really bad hours and then about four okay hours before it started again. Unless the intervals were not so evenly spaced. I have a bucket of drugs dumped into the port every eight hours. I did ask her if maybe they could just hang a bag of each drug and attach it to the line with the saline drip. She said THAT would take too long and that it is good to get the puking started right away, so the nurse could give me more anti-puke stuff in my ass. You mean the stuff that burns like a bunch of wasps with blowtorches? She gave a gentle little, Mrs. Doubtfire kind of chuckle. “Oh, it burns all right.” Joseph, Mary and little baby Jesus! I hate it when they tell you the truth.

Boy, I sure know how to have a good time.

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5 thoughts on “Noooooooooo! The one about the picc line and a stay at hospital

  1. How can you be so sane in the face of all this? I mean, I know you’re sort of mad in the same way we’re all mad – but you’re so…sane!
    Keep your sense of humour and we’ll keep you in our prayer.
    You know, I’ve been referred to the same man? He holds clinics in the UK too!

    1. He is a little “House”-y and very focused. Do you want me to email you the headache diary he had me keep?
      When you see him, ask for clarification…he is on one track and you may be on another.

      HOwever, he is the top guy on the planet.

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