The one about cheating husbands

A friend asked me if I had my husband’s cell phone number—because she didn’t.  He had just bought a new cell phone (he charged it and it showed up on the statement, which is how she knew.)

That is one phone that would end up overnight in a bucket of water.

He charged it because he was either A) stupid

B) didn’t care if she found out because

C) what was she going to do about it anyway?

He says he is talking to an old girlfriend about their class reunion.

Oh. Please.
If there is a reunion, there is a reunion committee and you drag your wife along so she can do all of the work, along with the other women. If there is a reunion, there is a facebook page for it.

I’ve been the old girlfriend on more than one occasion. The conversation is always the same, so I think it must be a card that comes with CHEATERS magazine.

Him: So, hey, guess who this is?
Me: The IRS
Him: Hey! It’s me! Gary/Dennis/Rick/Manny/ Moe/ Jack/ Joe Blow
Me: Are you married yet?
Him: Ha. ha! Yes I am! She’s great.  So, I was thinking maybe we could get together for coffee or lunch or
dinner or something.
Me: Let me talk to my husband and see what night would be good. I’d love to meet Susie.
Him (always): I was thinking more like just us getting together or something.
Me: THAT SOUNDS GREAT. You can meet me at work; I’ll leave your name and DL# at the gate. Nelson will make a copy and call me. Wednesday is good because I’ll be out at the range all day. You know me and guns. Plus all the guys on the CERT team–that’s the day we practice shooting people. We have TASERS now, which are just too fun.

And sometimes the cheating husband will need to be away on business and finds himself-surprise— at a hotel in girlfriend’s town. Holy moley!! It was totally an accident.
There are no accidents for cheaters, unless they are accidentally hit by a bus.

And my other piece of advice about men:

None of them are worth your tears unless they are dead at your feet and you didn’t do it.

Save your tears for things that count, like new babies, puppies and shoes that hurt your feet.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “The one about cheating husbands

  1. “None of them are worth your tears unless they are dead at your feet and you didn’t do it.

    Save your tears for things that count, like new babies, puppies and shoes that hurt your feet.”

    best.advice.ever.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s