No fighting, no biting.
I even called my sister.
Not everyone has problems with their sisters. Some people get along just fine, Or, like my husband, just plain doesn’t care if he sees them, hears from them or not.
Then some people, like my son, really loves his sister, talks to her all the time and makes TIME to see her. They are going to the movies this weekend.
If I had to go to the movies with my sister, I would slit my throat. I would set the car on fire with me in it.
She is a perfectly nice person, I guess. She has lots of friends. That’s what she tells me whenever I start asking questions and attempting to forge some kind of relationship. I’ve never met them. She, on the other hand, meets everyone in my life if she is here on a visit.
And if I ever visited her, my friends from Utah would drive down to visit me at her house. But since my mother is dead, I’ll never see her again. My oldest daughter has moved from Hill Air Force Base, so there is no Earthly reason to go to Utah. Well, except for when Pat or Uncle Howie dies. I’d make the trip for them.
But to do rebuild all the years we’ve missed, everyone would need to be transparent. You’d have to stop telling lies/stories and start telling the truth when the questions get hard/probing/pushy/invasive. But that’s what you have to do, especially when you have a long standing pile of misunderstandings.
Except, they aren’t misunderstandings. She really doesn’t want me to know. There are parts of her life she doesn’t care to share with me. She has four boys. I only know when one of them was born. She was married for I don’t know how long to her present husband., I got a rare letter and she mentioned she had gotten married. (That’s really what she said. “I’ve gotten married since I wrote to you last.” The last time she had written to me was when she was in HIGH SCHOOL.)
When I asked my mother if she knew Judy’s last name, she informed me that yes she did and if Judy wanted me in her business, she would tell me.Since Judy didn’t tell me, obviously it was none of my business. And that kind of dysfunctionality helped me to avoid the pitfalls with my own children. We are nothing BUT transparent. And yeah, it does get a little raw sometimes but after, we’re good. (I was prying with Lisi once and she told me IT. WAS. NONE. OF. MY. BUSINESS. Of course it wasn’t. I just wanted to know.)
She is afraid of email (my main method of chatter with all of my friends) and doesn’t agree with the Internet.
She is cold and curt on the phone and I always end up feeling like I was prying into affairs that are NOT my business. She does have an email address. Her husband opens her messages, reads them and decides to either delete them or will give them to her.
(Recently, I mentioned how I handled the several estates that I handle. She took offense and told me I could send her my spreadsheets and she would compare them with her records. Obviously, she hadn’t really READ my email. I was talking about estates I handle. My records had nothing to do with her handling of my mother’s estate. Which I’m not happy with, but it wasn’t my choice. i had totally no input because I’m the stupid sister.)
Bitter? Table for one?
About three months after my mother died, I tried to contact her.
I called all the numbers I had-no answer.
I emailed. No answer.
So I called the sheriff’s department to see if they would check in on her. What I know about her husband, I don’t like. What I’ve seen of her husband, I don’t like. But when a person goes totally missing, I’d like to think that someone would care enough to check on them, just in case they have been conked on the head and left to chill on the kitchen floor.
So I talk to the gal at the SD and she ,too, is concerned.
Where does sis work? She doesn’t.
Where do they go to church? I don’t know and it wasn’t for lack of asking. Judy simply would not tell me. (“It’s an evangelical church.” “Like what? What is it’s name?” I got blinking blue eyes, so obviously she wasn’t going to give that bit of info up.)
DO you have phone numbers for her children? Nope. I don’t even know where they live.
So where does her husband work? I don’t know that either. I think maybe he works for himself, like some kind of internet kind of business.
What is his business called? I don’t know. And I don’t know if Judy knows, either. I ASKED and she came up with “Oh, it’s an LLC.” An LLC like WHAT? What’s it called?’ “Oh, Sonlight, I think. Or maybe MorningStar. I’m not sure. Maybe ForeverGreen.”)
I own a business and guess what? I know it’s name.
So Trixie, the SD gal took down the info I did have and when I got to the address, she asked me if I was sure that was where they lived, since it was a multi-million dollar home area.
Oh, yes, I was sure.
Had I actually BEEN there? Yes, several times. She was living there with my mother when my mother died. Did it look like she actually LIVED there or did it look like she had just moved in? Like maybe she was house sitting or something.
Oh, no, she lived there all right. My marble sideboard is in her foyer. (Sounds fishy, doesn’t it? It was, but I won’t go into it here. Even I have some pride.)
So a few hours later, I get a call from my sister and I can tell that she is as mad as a bridled donkey.
She had been busy with the duties OF THE HOME and was attempting to eliminate those things in life that did not add to the Christian tone of her life. So I guess I know for sure where the heck I stand in life; just right next to Satan and all his minions.
And when I DO call her (on Christmas and her birthday), I usually get five sentences from her and then she passes the phone off to her husband, whom I don’t know and don’t want to talk to.
We also don’t exchange gifts. I used to, but I got tired of calling her to see if she had received them. I did give her a gift last year, but only because i was going to BE there, visiting my mother. She went into her bedroom and brought out a photo of her and her husband, in one of those black cardboard covers. I guess she was surprised we showed up. (The trip had been planned since Thanksgiving.)
So I was surprised to get a box from her. She had sent several wrapped gifts and I called to thank her. I’m not going to run out and buy something for her, because, well, I don’t see the need. I’ve gone almost 40 years with no gifts and little contact and I’m not sure I’ll ever hear from her again.
But I did thank her.
Okay, so I immediately handed the phone off to my children, but I made the initial call.