Still battling excruciating daily headaches. I think unless someone at the hospital actually TAKES me to the ER, I’m doing okay. Tomorrow starts my personal battle with cancer. On the one hand, I’m praying for a central line because my veins are for crap. They are teeny tiny and not in the mood for much prodding. I know I have a 1B lymphoma but the last screen I had done showed a really bad spleen (don’t need it) spots on one of my lungs (that’s why you have two), a bad bit in my liver (which is why it is so big) and a shadow on my pancreas. One the other hand, I hate getting a picc put in. I have surgery scheduled for Thursday for this staph mess. My very snappily dressed doctor is going to excise the whole thing and sew me up.
And this time, I’m getting a boost with something more than a local, because it is pretty deep. But it is not MRSA. It might be something ickier than staph, because I have never seen anything like this at all…and neither has my doctor. But as long as I don;t have to watch, I’m not worried about it.
So far this month, I have found that worrying hasn’t been a productive use of my time.
Mike continues to struggle with his health problems as well. He has maybe another two weeks in hospital and then will go to a rehab place for six weeks. By then, we’ll be able to tell if I can take care of him at home or not.
So in the morning, before I hop on the medical carousel, I have movers going out to my big storage barn to pick up furniture to go up in the hotel. I have stuff–incredible stuff–that is so beautiful it will make you weep. I tagged it all and then went to the hotel and tagged where everything goes. My piano goes in an alcove off the dining room, which makes me happier than I can tell you. I took sixteen years of piano lessons with my mother dragging every note out of me. Music for her was as natural as breathing and for me? AS natural as breathing underwater. I took lessons three times a week all thru college. I learned to play the guitar but except for my own personal babies, I didn;t get much enjoyment from it. So now that I’m retired, I’m working on my guitar again….you can learn just about anything on YouTube and James Taylor is particularly easy for me to follow. I just have to turn off that little ego key, step out of myself and let my fingers do what my eyes see.
No small trick, that.
I’m taking this time to be kinder to the friends I treasure and to let go of the ones who can;t treasure me. I’m sure you have them, too. They are the ones who take offense where none was meant and “how dare you” in their emails. Life, especially my life is far too short to fret over them. I can miss the friends I thought they were but I have found in the last year that many of my friends were not in it for the long haul. They were great back in the day but the threads which bound us together were tenuous at best. I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I have nothing left to give, but that it never meant I was done. My long term friends, the ones who know my heart, know that. And thankfully, I have many of them.
I’ve been so lucky in my career to have made such wonderful friends, especially at the prison. I cannot tell you how honored and humbled I am by the friendship of these men. I wish for them what I wish for myself and my children—a long and happy career, filled with life. Because that has been my secret to happiness. I figured out early what it was I wanted to do and that has been all I’ve done. Because I love it.
And I’m a total Seal fan…I can pick this out but I’m needing the sheet music.