I think you need to be a lawyer to fill out retirement papers

I’ve been dragging my feet on the actual date, since I am still out on worker’s comp and I don’t want to screw up my retirement or shaft myself out of the medical benefits. Since this injury has already run about $250,0o0 already (I’m old, my rotator was ripped in two places and I don’t heal the way I did five years ago. In fact, I’m still not healed and there is a real possibility I won’t heal. Oddly, my other injury? I healed up just fine but it still took an entire year).

So I’m filling out the 100 pages of paperwork, most of which appear to be repeats of one or two or ten of the previous pages. I have no idea what they want. They are asking questions about any other retirements I’ll draw. How much ? (I don”t know.) I just know I want my last day to be the same for all of them (December 31st) and then the actual retirement date will all be the same date (January 1). And I have to hand write  my name, address, social,  birthdate and employment number on every single page, front and back.

I’m pretty sure I’ve screwed up every single question.

Well, except for my name.

Ben will get some money.

Mike will get some money.

On his death, my death benefits go to Lisi. We’ve already decided how that’s going.

So I’ve put all of this in page order, although even that is a question. I’ve got page 1 and then page 1 of 1….then later page 7 of  part 27. I did my best and  pulled the two pages I know my personal specialist has to fill out. She has to figure out what I did wrong (probably multiple mistakes on every pages), call me to resign everything and then send in it. I do know I go the notarized part right.

She also has to check me out (for her, it’s just a bunch of  phone calls ( “Does she have keys? No? Okey dokey.) (Does she have a car? No? Okey dokey.) and then she signs me off her own self. Obviously, she has more power than I do. I would be trotting around in the rain, waiting in line and if the top dude wasn’t there, I’d be back the next day. Keep in mind that I’ve never seen most of these people. Ever.

I turned in all my keys, my thumb drive and my chits a year ago. I have the paperwork because I know no one still has it. (Do I sound like I work with a bunch of morons? I don’t. They’ve all been laid off and who knows where the paperwork is.)

The very high point is because I’m not back on grounds, I don’t have to trot around and check out. Tracy does it. On the phone, but she does it.

And I have 60 days to actually get a check or they have to postpone my retirement.

Which only makes more money for me, so I don’t care.

And since I can only start this process no more than 90 days previous to my date and no less than 10 days to my date and the workshops are booked up for TWO YEARS prior to your RD, you are well and truly screwed.

Welcome to the world of state employment.

I mainly have loved my job. It was fulfilling and made me happy. I can look at myself in the mirror and say “I did something worthwhile in 1971 or 1975 or 1980 or 2010” (You can chose any date during those years.) And THAT’s a pretty good run, if I do say so.

I even stay in touch with my most amazing students, who turned out to be amazing people. Now that is my idea of luck. I had great coworkers whom I STILL like. That’s another stroke of luck for me.

So as far as pure joy? I hit the jackpot! And how many people can say that? (Well, me for one. The rest of you need to evaluate your bliss.)

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2 thoughts on “I think you need to be a lawyer to fill out retirement papers

  1. Wouldn’t you like to have all that paperwork in front of you as you pulled the trigger on a 12 gauge? Instant snow!!!!!!!!

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