The one about people who are selfish and self centered to the max

Depression is a terrible thing to live with. It sneaks up on you and POW! There it is, full blown and looking for a gun.

Unsettling at the very least. I usually am okay between Valentines Day and Halloween. The rest of the year, I have to hide the gun.

Coupled with a schizophrenic son (love him dearly but he is crazy) and a sober alcoholic (believe me, this is a DEAL BREAKER. I’m in it now, but if I knew then what I knew now, I wouldn’t have answered the phone).

Alcoholics, by nature, are selfish and self-centered to the max. That means the world revolves around THEM. All the time.

Mike and Ben had words about I don’t know what nor do I care, All I know is that Mike got his feelings hurt (the rest of the world has to stuff their feelings, put on their big girl panties on and suck it up).

Then he said he was going to just go live somewhere else.

Oh, please, If anyone is moving, it will be me and I think it will be to the Big House.

I cannot deal with an adult relationship if at every turn, Mike is planning to take off and live somewhere else. It certainly puts a kink in my emotional life.

So as unhappy as it may make him (and if we aren’t co-joined at the hip, he’s unhappy), I’m going to rebuild my life. I get the feeling that all I am is insurance and a paycheck, anyway. All the things I really love? Not important. The things I like to do? Less than important. My bedroom is my haven…I have my television, my needlework, my reading, my sewing and no one is smoking in here. I don’t LIKE smoking, even when I did it. I like it less that he smokes like a chimney and pretends that no doctor has ever mentioned it would be a good idea to stop. He gets up in the middle of the night to smoke. That, too, is a deal breaker.

And one more thing. He talks to his crew as if I am am an idiot. He was telling one of them the other day (I was patiently waiting in the car, waiting to go get a shot) that I spend all my money on myself, leaving him to try to meet the bills and payroll. That was totally the wrong thing to say. It is untrue and now his guys think I’m an idiot, too.

He has a very slight chance of surviving surgery on Monday and I’m not all torn up about it.

Of course, I have invoices and bills to get written today because even though I am an idiot, I’m still okay to do the shit work in the office.

The end.

I’m going shopping.


5 thoughts on “The one about people who are selfish and self centered to the max

  1. Yikes, Chloe. You’re way, way down in the pit right now. Please take care of yourself. Would it help to call your daughter? Or go see Ben? Or ….

  2. Ben is here. Lisi will be here tomorrow. I want to leave them out of this mess. They didn’t ask for it…..they have suffered at least as much as I have with my last two marriages. Jackson had least had the grace to kill himself. I imagine Mike will, too.
    He attempted to apologize today, only because I was so suicidal. It was the same thing most men will say when it looks as if their maid is leaving. “IF I hurt your feelings, I’m sorry.” Or my favorite, “Sometimes I say things I don’t mean.”

    Really, So what part of your conversation do I believe? The part where I am worthless? AThe part where you claim you love me when by now I know full well you do not have the capability to love.

    To use me, yes. To love me, no.

  3. Chloe, you are absolutely right that your children need not to be caught in the middle. They also need to know that you are safe. Do what you need to do to make sure that you will continue to be there to love and support them–and yourself.

  4. I think it’s far past time for Mike to get bent over and his bottom soundly paddled with a hard plastic spoon, wooden ones break far too fast.
    If he’s not willing to act like an adult, gee, wouldn’t it be great to be able to spank him soundly and then send him to his small bedroom with no tv, no video games, no cell phone, no nice toys to play with while he thinks about growing up some.
    You are stronger than you are feeling now, and you will get through this, and find all the pieces to rebuild and be the terrific person that you are.
    No one deserves the treatment that spoilt, selfish, whiny brats dish out, and we don’t turn around and treat them like they do us- – -we won’t lower ourselves to that level, but it would be so fun and Mean, and sometimes Mean is OK, and sometimes it’s OK to stand our ground, to say how we feel and then turn our back and walk away..not argue, not talk about it and NOT care if they are hurt by what we say…
    Wish I could give you a huge hug, you deserve far more than that..have you in my prayers and thoughts,

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