The place where you are now is vital. Never avoid what you must face. Challenge your circumstances and steadily persevere.
Shoot, they gutted him a year ago and didn’t expect him to live; he’s had five surgeries in the last twelve months and and I just think that having surgery after surgery is just too much for him to wrap his brain around. Being cored like an apple is really hard physically and then the recovery is even worse. He’s not getting enough time to feel good before he gets gutted again.
But the reality is survival or not and tonight, the idea of recovery is just too much for him.
There’s not enough to worry about just in general than to worry about survival.
And yes, he is cranky. He has a hair trigger temper and while I should step back and just put my ego on hold. I am having trouble doing that.
I just need to step back and decide whether it’s all about ME or all about us…and right now, he is the one who needs my support. He’s never given up on me. He’s never given up on Ben and believe me, dealing with a schizophrenic 24/7 for another 50 years and battling suicide is no picnic.
So if I have to bite my tongue in half, that’s what I’m going to do. He needs someone on his side right now and I think he is feeling woefully left out. It’s no picnic for me, either. I had myself gutted six months ago and I’m still not healed. (And yes, I have been seeing a doctor. More than one. I’m just under a little stress and healing slowly.) I go in every couple of weeks for a silver nitrate treatment and I just heal slowly.
I have friends who lift me up. And that is what I need to do for Mike.